Timing Fail
by Inspired Demon of Fiction
Summary: FAIL, CRACK, FLUFF, SECKS, and GRAPHIC-TEA-MAKING this is what makes it possibly M . AND random!Roman references… Spawned from an ongoing RP of crack!win. SRS Three/Delgado!Master, Brigadier!abuse, Jo!blindness. THIS IS SO CLASSIC WHO CANON.


**Title:** Timing Fail

**Author(s): **Demon (as the Master and chiefly Jo) AND Tu (as the Doctor and chiefly the Brigadier)!

**Rating:** T+ (at LEAST, young ones, you may want to cover your eyes from the sheer FAIL of this fic XD)

**Summary:** Tu and I (or Demon and I, depending on who you are) started, quite out of the blue, an AWESOMESAUCE RP between Three and Delgado!Master and it just… kept going, and going, and going until it got to the point when we were making up a PLOT for it and… it morphed into this FANTASTIC collab story XD.

**Warnings:** FAIL, CRACK, FLUFF, SECKS, and GRAPHIC-TEA-MAKING (this is what makes it possibly M). AND random!Roman references… (you are too uncool to read this fic if you do not understand what we mean by random!Roman references …jk)

* * *

Doctor: Oh, alright… but don't tell the Brig

Master: Oh, my dear Doctor... your secrets are safe in my rubbish!beard.

Doctor: Oh, I don't doubt it... but, on the off chance that you decide to double cross me, Jo WILL find out just where you're ticklish. 3 *is sort of a bastard*

Master: ...curse you Doctor. But, mark me well, it is not my fault if the Brigadier invites me out for drinks... men of fantastic facial hair, you understand.

Doctor: Don't be ridiculous, you never--you wouldn't! You wouldn't even consider it! *flails* D:

Master: Oh, but I _would_ Doctor... and unless you're willing to _obey me_ then certain people will discover the truth...

Doctor: *suspicious!narrowed eyes of win* *not taken in by that hypnosis rubbish* ... and just what do you want me to do?

Master: *leans over, totally obliterating the Doctor's personal bubble* *whispers in ear and fondles rubbish!beard suggestively*

Doctor: *backs into table* *BLUSH OF RASSILON* NOW SEE HERE--!!! D:

Master: *waggles eyebrows suggestively* That's the price, Doctor, or the Brigadier will know of our little... arrangement... go on, admit it, admit that he could never replace me, despite his somewhat whimsical mustache!

Doctor: Replace ...you... I don't... *slow understanding* Are you _jealous_? Of the Brigadier? Well, you always were a little bit _possessive_ but I'd never have thought you so INSECURE *LOVING this*

Master: Insecure? Hardly Doctor, I was... *coughs* degrading your insufferable ego. Jealous! Ha! As if there was anything to be jealous about. The Brigadier might be a very charming man, but... he does not have my... unique skills...

Doctor: No, I believe the Brigadier would be relieved to know that in my opinion you two are nothing alike.

Master: *eyebrow raise* Well Doctor, on second thought, I don't believe our little arrangement will work out after all... I've just remembered there is a pressing need for me to get off world. There is a ceremony on a distant planet that I must attend... I'm being coronated, you know.

Doctor: Coronated?! Where? WHY-- you can't possibly expect me to stand by and let you interfere with an innocent planet! *crosses arms*

Master: I do. Unless...

Doctor: Unless? *sigh* Unless I can make it worth your while, is that it? You know perfectly well I'm incapable of following you to whatever planet has had the misfortune to become your next target, not after what the Time Lords have done to my TARDIS and-- well... yes.

Master: Actually, I was going to say... unless you wanted to... *mumbling* come with me...

Doctor: *STARE of disbelief* ... what was that?

Master: *coughs* It was nothing, an idle comment, neither here nor there, now... what were you saying Doctor...?

Doctor: No, no, I'm fairly sure it was relevant to the current situation *smug bastard* something to do with my exile, as a matter of fact-- stop me if I'm mistaken.

Master: It MAY have been a reference to traveling, but I'm sure it had nothing to do with your exile, Doctor.

Doctor: Something to do with the ending of said exile, then *personal space invasion goes here* Something about the opportunity to escape this planet.

Master: It's... possible *can't think clearly with Doctor!proximity* But IF such an event were to occur, my dear Doctor, there would of course, be compensation for my generous offer... since you so obviously wish to LEAVE this sub-par planet and it's somewhat-whimsical inhabitants? *pointed!stare*

Doctor: I should think my acceptance of your offer concession enough. *manipulative little side!caress* It could hardly be a permanent arrangement. I do intend to leave Earth in my own TARDIS, of course. *starts pacing* still, it would be a relief to see a different planet-- you have no idea how claustrophobic a single planet can be until you find yourself with no means of escape, don't you agree?

Master: I imagine it would be... if I were tied down. But I am free Doctor, free to go where I please, torment who I will... *gloating!smile* And, my dear Doctor, as... flattering as your acceptance is, I'm afraid it just won't do if that's my only incentive in this bargain. *eyebrow!waggle*

Doctor: *flustered* I don't know what else I could possibly offer you *fuses with test tubes*

Master: Well... there is one, little thing, that I want from you Doctor. Hardly worth your time, but it's something we haven't had since... oh, since Gallifrey... You remember... those lazy summer days... those fields of red grass...

Doctor: Oh? *puts down the test tube* Oh! ... welll... if you really think you're up for it *sidles closer* It has been rather awhile... *slaps arm* TAG! You're IT! *flees giggling maniacally*

Master: Bastard... *chases after* AND NO NO-TAG BACKS!

***Hectic chase scene around whatever room they're in goes here***

Master: AHA! Caught you now Doctor! *panting, launches self at Doctor*

Doctor: Ha-- *dodges, knocks over a chair* Not quite-- I seem to remember you being _better_ at this... *looks around and finds self cornered* Oh dear.

Master: *mad!grin* And I seem to remember you being faster... *regards the Doctor for a moment* *grabs him with such force that they fall to the ground in a jumbled heap*  
*before the Doctor can get his bearings, snogs him violently*

Doctor: Mmf! *completely caught off guard* ... *gasp-stare-blink* ... *smirks* yes, I believe I remember that part as well *snogs back*

Master: *hearts skip a beat* *or seven* Oh my _dear_ Doctor... *deftly reaching underneath all the ruffles, unbuttoning his shirt for access to smooth skin*

***Um... BLUSH-OF-RASSILON bits here...***

Brigadier: Doctor! We heard a commotion, what...? The Master! Seize him!

Master: *look of utter loathing for the Brigadier* *muttering* Sodding cockblocker... *softened slightly by the Doctor's brief conciliatory, disappointed glance*

Jo: Doctor! Your shirt's undone! What's he done to you?

Doctor: Ah! Jo! ... Brigadier...*Realizes that pulling the wool over the Brig's eyes will NOT be easy. Especially with the Master looking so flushed and disheveled and--*

Brigadier: Doctor? Are you alright?

Doctor: What? Oh, yes, quite alright-- we were just-- that is, the Master here *little flinch, there goes a solid two month 'not saying his name in front of him' record* was just trying to get his hands on one of my latest experiment. *semi-desperate eye-contact of Rassilon* Isn't that right?

Master: Certainly Doctor, I came here for... what was it? *attempting to pin flusteredness on being foiled and not the cockblockage*

Doctor: Yes, my--uhm-- Latest project. The--uhm--

Jo: Magnetic deflection differentiator?

Doctor: *eyeroll* Magnetic differential DEFLECTOR *"humans are so thick" face*

Brigadier: ... In your shirt?

Doctor: What?

Brigadier: He was looking for your Magnetic deflection--

Doctor: Differential deflector

Brigadier: Differential deflector in your shirt? *eyebrow of disbelief*

Doctor: Obviously not! Having had his fiendish plan thwarted, he was trying to kill me. He gets irritable when things don't go his way, I'm sure you've noticed *straightens shirt*

Master: *coughs* Indeed, this... Magnetic Differential Deflector would be... um... vital for my plan to merge our TARDISes and create a super TARDIS with which to take over the entire universe... *knows he's talking complete shite but is hoping a) the Doctor is desperate enough to go with it and b) the humans are stupid enough to believe it*

Jo: Oh, NO Doctor!

Doctor: ... *spluttersnerk* *covers it with a small cough* It's alright, Jo, luckily I managed to stop him before he could do any serious damage.

Brigadier: Luckily indeed *knows something is up but can't quite put his finger on it* Well, now that the universe is safe, momentarily, we'll just take the Master into custody...

Jo: Again. Why does he always have to come _here_, surely there are bits of the universe he could conquer

Doctor: ... *examines his cuffs, straightens the frilly bits, coughs*

Master: *bristles slightly* There ARE. It just so happens that the Doctor is the only person in the universe who... *stops self abruptly, catching the Doctor's eye*

Brigadier: *watches suspiciously*

Doctor: *jumps in quickly* It's merely that the--that _he_ requires a worthy opponent to find his childish games at all satisfying. Taking over the universe without someone with an intellect capable of appreciating, and a chance of thwarting, said scheme would be like playing a game of chess against an infant *will NOT add "or a Human", will NOT add "or a Human", will NOT add "or a Human"...* I like to believe myself able to provide that level of... *realizing there's no way to end this sentence without walking straight into some fairly obvious Time Lord innuendo* intellectual stimulation.

Master: Well well, Doctor... I'm impressed *secretive little smile, knowing what the Doctor REALLY meant* *sly wink that even the Brigadier misses*.

Brigadier: Hmm... well, if that's all then, Master, UNIT hereby takes you under custody pending further investigation. *cuffs the Master and carts him off to be recorded for the nth time...*

Jo: Oh Doctor! *rushes to hug him*

Doctor: *little hug back, still feeling SLIGHTLY guilty for just letting the Brig take him away... even if he had it coming* It's alright, Jo. I'm alright. No real harm done.

Jo: Thank goodness... there's no telling what the Master would have done to you if we hadn't come in... *fussing over the Doctor, making him sit*

Doctor: *sits down* No telling indeed. *lets her fuss a bit* Really, Jo, there's no need, he hardly touched me *unfortunately .*

Jo: *not listening* Oh, my... _Doctor!_ Hardly touched you? Then what's THAT! *touches tender spot on neck*

Doctor: Ow- *pulls away* do you mind! *touches it, realizes what it must be* He-- he must have bit me, during our struggle *is going to have to have a LONG TALK with the Master about leaving marks*

Jo: He BIT you?! Oh, poor Doctor, I'll get you some antiseptic... *runs off to acquire antiseptic*

Doctor: *awkward!neckrub* *mutters* Just like in the Academy, he wasn't wrong... *seriously missing those massive!collars right now* Never mind the antiseptic, Jo, I think I'll just go finish my tea--it's probably cold by now, he always chooses the worst times c

Jo: Well, at least let me button up your shirt, you look like you were just molested...

Doctor: *goes a little pink* Yes, well, next time I'll be sure not to let him take advantage... *goes a little pinker* I... don't suppose you could see about getting me something to drink? *totally not using his slightly disheveled appearance to guilt Jo into playing tealady. Really. Nope. That'd be a completely twatish thing to do XD*

Jo: Of course Doctor, I'll make it myself. *beaming smile*

Doctor: Don't forget to warm the pot! *drums fingers impatiently until she's out of earshot* *scrambles for the nearest reflective surface* *opens collar and examines hickey* Of all the petty, juvenile-- *hmfs* I wouldn't be surprised if he did it on purpose! Possessive, thick-witted--! Well. I'm as much to blame, in a way. I suppose. I did encourage him. *facepalms, forehead rub... has one of his Master!induced headaches* And this, Doctor, is why these situations are best avoided. It would make this exile so much simpler *thinks it over*... and, if possible, even more unbearable. *sigh* I suppose, as our encounters go, it wasn't wholly unpleasant. He was always slightly less volatile when we were... intimate *can totally justify unexpected make-out sessions with the Master rly*

Jo: Here we are Doctor, a nice cuppa is just the thing you need after a day like this... oh, and on my way back I heard the Brigadier interrogating the Master, looks like he's in for it this time *smug smile of vengeance*

Doctor: *slightly guilty smile* Yes...yes, I suppose he is. *sips tea* ... *not feeling at all guilty* ... *sips*... *Nope, not guilty at all, he HAD it coming, he's HAD it coming for--oh for Rassilon's sake* *stands up abruptly* I think I'll go fetch us some biscuits, hm? Or maybe some of those little sandwiches. Yes, some of those, I think. Don't worry, I feel more than capable of getting them myself, you just wait here. Guard the tea. *flees awkwardly*

***Meanwhile…***

Master: Is all this really necessary, Brigadier? After all, I've been here so often, we could almost be called friends...

Brigadier: Friends? Hardly, unless the word has some vastly different definition on your planet. *gestures to the small cell* In.

Master: You should ask the Doctor... *steps inside grudgingly*

Brigadier: No, I don't think I will. *fairly sure he doesn't want to know in any case* *nods to the random!UNIT officers* Dismissed.

Master: Are you sure that's wise Brigadier? A private, _intimate_ interrogation between just us two...? *eyebrow raise* *is not actually flirting, is mostly just annoyed at the sodding human and wants to make him feel flustered and awkward* *and maybe make the Doctor jealous if/when he bursts in*

Brigadier: *eyebrow quirk of WIN* Your powers of suggestion haven't seemed terribly effective as of late, and, as you may or may not have noticed, this room is being monitored. Now, regarding your most recent attempt at universal destruction. May I assume that you gained access to UNIT using your usual trickery *totally not impressed by rubbish!masks, yo*

Master: Obviously... *stretches, innocently kicking at the Brig's feet* *absolutely knows he's being monitored and desperately hopes the Doctor's doing it*

Brigadier: *blinkstaaaare* ....*decides to pretend he didn't just do that* After these past few...incidents, and your previous escape, I'm afraid things may be slightly more complicated than they were last time. You understand that both you and the Doctor are on extremely unstable ground when it comes to legal matters on this planet.

Master: *tries not to laugh* Indeed, my dear Brigadier *it feels wrong saying it without the Doctor's name at the end, but... special circumstances* *shoe!fondles a little higher, possibly at the ankles now*

Brigadier: *BLUSH* *Wide-eyed STARE* *pulls foot back* No, I don't think you do! *paces* It was only by the narrowest possible margins, and at the Doctor's insistence, that you weren't put on trial for your crimes.

Master: *sits up, leaning on elbows* Was it? *tries to look less interested in this than he is* Remind me to thank him. But why have you stood up Brigadier? We were chatting so amicably just now. *manages to put in a slightly hurt note in there*

Brigadier: I'd rather keep this conversation purely professional, if you don't mind. *not going to ask, really not going to ask* It has *cough* come to my attention, that a large majority of (read: ALL) your plans seem to be primarily focused on the Doctor.

Master: Hmm... *strokes rubbish!beard slowly* *not even the Brigadier can resist the power of a rubbish!beard stroking* I suppose, from your point of view, they could be... *looks up at Brigadier*

Brigadier: *not staring, really, definitely not staring* ... *sits down* Has it ever occurred to you that it might be in your own best interest to leave this planet in peace? *trying a different strategy*

Master: I _have_ left you in peace. But unfortunately, your rather boring planet is rather easy to manipulate and strategically a useful outpost... *quietly* it also happens to house something I want very much...

Brigadier: *eyebrow has reached a new level on the "O rly" scale* You don't say. From what the Doctor told me of your... (extremely unlikely sounding even for you two) plan, I would guess you mean his TARDIS. (pleeease say you mean his TARDIS and not something else…)

Master: Yes... his _TARDIS_... exactly... tell me, Brigadier, have you done something new with your mustache? *drops bombshell* *the Brigadier's one, crippling feature...*

Brigadier: Have I-- Have I WHAT? *feels the facial hair in question, mostly out of sheer disbelief*

Master: Oh, please, my _dear_ Brigadier, I only ask because... you look rather fetching in it today, I'd never noticed... *distantly footsteps at an increasing speed are heard*

Brigadier: Now see here! *stands up, knocks the chair over etc.* I'm not sure what you're trying to imply, but I'll have none of THAT! This is UNIT, not some sort of--of Roman _bathhouse!_ ///

*bang! CRASH*

Master: My _dear_ Doctor... *evil!grin* *the Brigadier is standing on one side of the door, still looking flushed and sweating slightly, the Doctor is panting with expressions of annoyed and flustered at war on his face as if he's not 100% sure what he's doing here*

Doctor: Brigadier. *curt nod* I... thought you might need some assistance.

Brigadier: ... Did you really? *vaguely dazed*

Master: *evil!grin gets wider* *remains silent, but with eyes only for the Doctor*

Brigadier: *looks from the Doctor to the Master, back to the Doctor* ...Just make sure he stays put *flees*

Master: *smiles darkly as the door swings shut* My _dear_ Doctor... *if possible, puts even MORE emphasis on the 'dear'*

Doctor: Briga--*Doesn't manage to catch him* ... ah. Yes. *awkward!Back of the neck rub* ... we meet at last.

Master: *raises eyebrow* Again, you mean... or has it been so long you've forgotten... would you like me to remind you... *stands up, approaches*

Doctor: *takes a step back* I don't think that's really necessary, do you?

Master: On the contrary, Doctor, I do not intend to leave with_out_ reminding you... *is regrettably still handcuffed*

Doctor: Is that so. *raises his eyebrows* I must say I'll be interested to see how you manage that. *slides into the Brig's abandoned chair (like the smug bastard he sooo is XDD)*

Master: *muffled groan* Well, my dear Doctor, to begin with, I'll ask you why, when you had so conveniently evaded me, you chose to return, to my aide, I daresay, and entered this room with such a sense of purpose that I think even the poor Brigadier felt it... *returns to the chair opposite, leaning back*

Doctor: Ah. Yes. *clasps hands* *examines hands* Clearly I couldn't leave the Brigadier to handle you on his own.

Master: Mmm-hmmm... then, wouldn't the Brigadier have stayed if that were the case? Well, I'm afraid some of the things I told him _may_ have scared him off... *sly!grin as he casually adjusts black-leather!gloves-of-evil*

Doctor: *Will not stare at the gloves, will not stare at the gloves, will not stare at the--Rassilon! C* *swallows* I thought we agreed that, under the circumstances, _discretion_ was our best bet.

Master: Oh, come now Doctor! You can't tell me you were _pleased_ by the idiot humans bursting in on us just as we were...*coughs* *shifts uncomfortably* *would really love a key to these handcuffs*

Doctor: *COUGH* *blush* Yes, well, like you they have the habit of bursting in when they're least expected or wanted.

Master: *smug!smile* I'm rather proud of that talent actually… you think I don't plan in advance when it would be most unfortunate for me to turn up? Tsk, tsk Doctor, you should know me better than that.

Doctor: On the contrary! I'm well aware that your every move is planned down to the most inconsequential detail-- perhaps if you took that kind of care with your plots, you would have a bit more success...

Master: Of which plots are we speaking Doctor? My plots to take over the universe or...? *is not sure if he's just blundered something or succeeded in making the Doctor exceedingly uncomfortable*

Doctor: *COUGHblush*... *awkward liprub* You know, recently I've been hard pressed to differentiate between the two. *mischievous little smile* Killing two birds with one stone, is the phrase on this planet.

Master: *glares and blushes slightly under rubbish!beard* *pouts and straightens gloves again* Are you suggesting that I have nothing better to do with my time than to bother the only Time Lord in history to be exiled to a planet as lowly as Earth?

Doctor: *bristle* Your _opinions_ of this planet aside, yes, that is exactly what I'm suggesting. The Earth is rich in resources, true, and strategically valuable, but not enough so to justify the sheer amount of effort you've been going to since you found me. To tell the truth, it's slightly embarrassing.

Master: Says the man who was oh so desperate to leave it barely an _hour_ ago *smug!smirk*

Doctor: *flinch* Yes... yes, of course you're right, perhaps not my most well thought through strategy.

Master: *somewhat shocked look* My dear Doctor, did you just... are you actually... conceding my _victory_?

Doctor: Hardly a substantial one! *studies the wall grumpily* A temporary, irrelevant victory, though I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

Master: True, a shallow, inconsequential victory, but a victory nonetheless! *brimming with glee* Oh, my _dear_ Doctor... *moves to rise, but hears the jangle of the handcuffs again* *frustrated!sigh* Please tell me you have a set of keys for these... *raises chained hands*

Doctor: I do. *smirk*

Master: Oh! _Oh_... oh no... *frowning, and quickly becoming wary, lowers hands*

Doctor: Oh? *eyebrow quirk, grin* *stands* *paces* My dear fellow, after today, do you really think it would be _safe_ to release you? *teasing!shoulder caress of win*

Master: *slow untrusting stare trailing up the Doctor's arm to his face* *and definitely not because the teasing!shoulder caress of win had any affect on him* *none at all* So... you're just going to _keep_ me?

Doctor: ... *did not seriously consider smuggling handcuffed!Master back to his TARDIS and keeping him w* *really* *clears throat* Actually, I was hoping we could come to some sort of...agreement.

Master: *raises intrigued eyebrow* Such as...? And Doctor, know that if it involves banishing me, I will never agree. Tormenting you in your exile is far too amusing *half-smile of simultaneous teasing and real caring for the certain insanity!boredom the Doctor would suffer without him*

Doctor: *grimaces, realllly sort of wishes he'd thought of that* No-- no, I know you value your entertainment at my expense. *secretly grateful. Very, VERY secretly* *inappropriate hair!pet* I could demand that you help me repair my TARDIS...

Master: *closes eyes and with INTENSE self-restraint manages to hold down the moan in his throat* Yes... I suppose you could... But surely *coughs* *COUGHSCOUGHSCOUGHS* surely there is something more amusing...

Doctor: More amusing than TARDIS repair? *enjoying this far too much* I'm sure I've no idea what you could be talking about. *cheek stroke, manages to resist playing with the beard... mostly*

Master: *snaps out of trance-like state when the Doctor gets to the beard* Doctor, in as... _vulnerable_... a position as I may be in right now, powerless, helpless, one might even say _under your complete control_ *watches the affect of his words on the Doctor... it's _most_ satisfying* but I will NOT permit you to toy with me in such a way... *scoots whole chair away, and sits regally in it, brushing imaginary lint off his trousers*

Doctor: *slightly flustered* *just slightly* *grumbles* You didn't seem too opposed to the idea earlier.... *smiles a little at his own joke... c'mon, that was GOOD* *sigh* Very well, I understand. *a little hurt at the rejection* *pulls a small key subtly from his pocket* If you could wait a little while before making your escape? The Brigadier will no doubt have his suspicions, and I'd rather they couldn't be so easily confirmed.

Master: *eating-words-of-FAIL* *and it SHOWS* Now, Doctor I simply meant... er... *is fairly sure the Doctor has gathered far too much from his face already*

Doctor: *eyesparkle of understanding* Ah--AH, I see! *steps forward and reaches for the cuffs, giving them a little pull* You might have said.

Master: Yes, yes, exactly... *flustered himself now* *wonders if all Time Lords had this much trouble*

Doctor: I'm terribly glad we've cleared that up... *grin* *further personal space invasion* *pets the suit* I hope you're aware that subtlety doesn't suit you.

Master: *rubs wrists* *stands up with eyebrow!quirk of win* Wasn't it you who said that it would be best if we practiced _discretion_...?

Doctor: Discretion when it comes to the Brigadier, and Jo, yes, I believe I did. *eyebrow quirk*

Master: Ah, my apologies Doctor... *is suddenly timid, given the absolute freedom he's just been provided, for what's about to happen* Had I known that you thought I wasn't _interested_, Doctor... *significant look* let me _assure_ you now... *personal space has so been invaded, it exists as a _negative_*

Doctor: Yes, well *awkward pause, reaalllyyyy isn't used to hearing THAT from HIM D:* It's quite alright. *nods* I'd hardly expect discretion between the two of us, I like to think that after all this time, I know better.

Master: *sly!grin* Are you ALSO admitting to an attraction to me...? Doctor, any more victories like this and I will begin to think you've grown tired of fighting me...

Doctor: *AFFRONTED! FLAILY!THREE is...well... yes* Certainly not! I find your actions inexcusable, your philosophy morally repugnant and your self assurance, if possible, more grating than tribophysics. *doesn't pull away*

Master: Is that so, Doctor? *grinds slightly towards the Doctor* *mischievous grin of triumph* Because I really think you want to rethink that answer...

Doctor: *closes his eyes and takes a deep, calming breath* Really? *gives up and puts his hands on the Master's shoulders* Would you care to enlighten me, which part exactly, would you have me rethink? *really, really needs to stop watching the Master's lips when he talks. Really* I fear I was painfully accurate on all counts.

Master: *eyes the Doctor's hands on his shoulders... those gorgeous, long-fingered hands...* I will... concede that you find my actions inexcusable *places one hand on the Doctor's hip* my philosophy morally repugnant *places the other hand behind the Doctor's head, absently twining his fingers into it* and so forth... but I absolutely do _not_ concede that you ARE attracted to me... *swiftly pulls the Doctor to him in a blinding kiss*

Doctor: *Mmmfs* *small eyeroll* *gives in and kisses him back* Yes... *pulls away a little, with a playful grin* Well, I doubt I have any room to deny it, given our current situation. *grabs him by the tie* And, for the record, *pulls the tie undone* I never once denied it *steals another kiss*

Master: *rare jawdrop of Rassilon* *completely frozen in shock*

Doctor: ... my dear fellow, are you quite alright? *pushes jaw closed* *sly little grin of Rassilon*

Master: You... you... you let me BELIEVE ALL this time that you... you... *brain has almost stopped functioning from shock*

Doctor: That I--? *plays with one of his shirt buttons* *unbuttons it* Surely you aren't conflate action with affection. I can hardly be expected to act on this sort of---well-- *vague gesture* _this._

Master: *comes to seeing the Doctor reveal a hint of skin* No, no... where would the fun be if one of us wasn't cognizant enough to scream the other's name...? *the fact that the Doctor always found him attractive has given him new found confidence to pretty much be as sexual as he wants*

Doctor: *staaaaares* ... *desperately trying to ignore the mental images THAT brings up* You seem suddenly confident in your abilities to seduce me. *well, it's working, he does have every right to be confident* But you're free, we're more than even, and the Brigadier could come through that door at any moment. You should go.

Master: *oh, BAD choice of words Doctor...* *leans the Doctor over the table* MAKE me.

Doctor: *doesn't lean away**eye contact of TENSION AND WIN* ... *looks him up and down, sizing up the situation*... alright. *grabs him by the shoulders, pushing him backwards and kissing him again*

Master: *temporarily overcome* *kisses back, grabbing the Doctor and bodily shoving him back on the table*

Doctor: *starts unbuttoning his shirt again* *pulls away* I'm not doing this _here. _*breathy whisper*

Master: *hoarsely, gasping* Then pick _some_where, _any_where, I don't care, just quickly... *tries to kiss the Doctor again*

Doctor: *dodges the kiss again* TARDIS. *goes after his neck, avenging the hickey* Yours. *unexpected!grope* Now.

Master: *.........* *……….........* *.............................................................*

*allocating enough blood to brain...* *lip-biting of INTENSITY to prevent someone breaking in at THIS dramatic juncture, of... um... DAMNIT! REallocating blood to brain...* *pulling the Doctor with him, in a somewhat awkward fashion* And not a _second_ too soon...

Doctor: *follows only slightly shakily* *shoves past Benton, coming the other way* I'll explain later *really, REALLY won't*

Benton: ...*staaaares* *snaps out of it* Doctor! *realizes he's going to have to raise the alarm* *has no idea what he's going to say*

Master: *glances after Benton* Should we be worried...? *can barely stand all this WAITING!*

Doctor: That all depends...

Master: *can see his TARDIS from here* *REALLY does not like where this is going* on _what_ Doctor?

Doctor: *GRIN* How fast we can run *takes off*

Master: *gives chase* *does LOVE a good chase, despite himself*

Doctor: *pauses to dig around in his pockets, is prettttyyy sure he has a copy of the Master's TARDIS key in there somewhere*

Master: *finds it for him* *dangles key in front of the Doctor's face, just to show him how masterfully he was just groped* *rushes inside*

Doctor: *stares after him for a moment* ... *checks to see that the sonic screwdriver/other important gadgets/the bits of string he's been collecting are still there* *follows*

Master: *in the Master, no pun intended, bedroom of the TARDIS* *is debating whither to undress or let the Doctor do it for him*

Doctor: *pauses long enough to make a small but significant adjustment to the Master's console. (because he's sort of a bastard .)* *starts snooping through the Master's stuff*

Master: *setting mood lighting* *wondering where on earth the Doctor could be...* *it hadn't been THAT long since he'd been in the Master's... TARDIS /// he couldn't have forgotten where... *AHEM** *goes off to find him*

Doctor: *pockets a small circuit that he really wouldn't be able to recreate on Earth with the tools he currently has.... and the Master wasn't using it anyway! '* *makes sure that his modifications to the Randomizer aren't immediately obvious* *GUILTY jump as the Master enters* AH, I was wonder where you'd gone off to.

Master: *leaning, shirt half open revealing FANTASTIC chest hair to match his fantastic facial hair, on a doorway of the console room* Not thinking of changing plans on me NOW are you? *lighting of the console room is doing nothing to minimize the VERY un-surreptitious bulge at the front of his trousers*

Doctor: *visibly flustered* *notgoingtostare* *looks at the ceiling* Ah. Yes. Well-- no. *clears throat* No, of course not. *awkward pause* *staaaares*

Master: *smug!grin of win* Why, Doctor, are you blushing...? *steps toward Doctor with PURPOSE and DIRECTION (read: INTENSE DESIRE and ATTRACTION)*

Doctor: *flustered* *Blushes more* Certainly not! *takes a step back into the console* That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard

Master: Oh, but pink is such a lovely color on your cheeks... *leer of Rassilon* *stepping around the console in order to pin the Doctor to it*

Doctor: *grimace* *Closes his eyes, taking a deep and only slightly shaking break* stop _teasing. _*leans in a little closer*

Master: *cups the Doctor's jaw, almost tenderly* Only if you will *grin* *French-kissing tiem with intense hair!ruffling and negative personal space*

Doctor: *thoroughly musses the Master's hair (It was begging for it)* *pulls him closer and shoves his jacket off his shoulders* *pulls away* My dear fellow, I _never_ tease *starts trying to work on that revenge hickey*

Master: *can FINALLY moan in the comfort of his own TARDIS* Oh... _Doctor_...

*ahem*

Brigadier: Forget to lock the door...? *FADE TO BLACK OF RASSILON*


End file.
